I was listening to a zen talk from Gil Fronsdal over at Zencast a few years ago and something he said struck a chord with me. He was talking about students' occasional frustration with a "bad session" of meditation in which they were either too scattered or too drowsy to feel like much was getting done.Of course Gil threw out the usual lines about how dealing with these things is actually the whole point of the practice, how we're not trying to get to any special mental state but just experiencing the mental state as it is, etc...
But after that he said something to this effect.
It's not that you compare this week's poor mediation to last week's strong session. You simply do the best you can for the state that you are in. So if you're really drowsy, just staying awake and trying to keep your seat through heavy lidded eyes will in a sense be a "good session". If you are agitated, not getting carried away and drowned in your excess thought will be a "good session".
Basically, you do your best every time you meditate. But we have to understand our best is a moving target, and be satisfied when it is not where it was last week or where we think it should be after "x" years of training. Holding up any one session against another is just more attachment, more investment in unhelpful mental patterns.
Of course this principle can be applied to how we move our bodies as well as our minds. I often get frustrated emails from PCPers who feel that they didn't have a good workout, that they had to skip a day because of a full schedule, that had to go out to eat because there wasn't any fresh food in the house and they were starving.
If you have a less than ideal workout, all that's important is that you did your best for what your best was that day. If you can say that with confidence then it's easy to let go of those frustrations.
This is a dangerous path however. The mind is sneaky and will often try to convince you that you are at your limit when in fact you have a lot more in you. It takes a strong will to really do your best, and it takes practice to know where that line is.
If you feel like your decision is based on a rationalization, "I really don't feel like working out, I have a lot to do, and I'll work extra hard tomorrow" then you haven't done your best.
If your decision is based on an honest assessment of your situation, "This presentation is the most important thing on my plate right now, I can jump-rope during my lunch break and eat well but that's all I can possibly do today," then you have done your best and can go to sleep satisfied that night.
It's heady and hard-work being honest with yourself, but it's one of the most essential tasks you have on this earth. Good luck!
2 comments:
PCP is just plain awesome. It's a really great and inspiring thing you all are doing. Most people in this day and age know exactly what it is that makes them unhealthy and unfit, that is: they have the information, and they may even know how to apply it. But it's the spark of inspiration and the feeling of support/solidarity that gets people off their asses and keeps them with it. Happier, fitter, people put more good out into the universe themselves.
I thought about your post yesterday while I was struggling through half a pull-up. It was helpful :)
I know what you mean though. I used to play basketball a long time ago, and I loved doing it so much that I would practice for hours every day after school, instead of doing homework. If I had injured my ankle, I wouldn't feel that bad about not being able to run around doing lay-up drills. Instead, I'd work on my free throw or three pointer. I just had to get outside and do it every day because I loved the game. I wasn't playing every day to get into the NBA someday, I wasn't even on the school team. It was fun to imagine that I would be in the NBA though.
I think that's the best way people can approach meditation. Don't do it for some ultimate, abstract pay-off like enlightenment. Do it if you love doing it.
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