A Fork in the Road

I have reached a fork in the road.

Following the PCP regimen is important in my mind, but hasn't been as present in my actions. Every time after I eat something I know is bad for me, and each day of the week that I don't work out, I tell myself that from that point on, I am going to do better. But lately, I haven't been. My diet isn't all bad, but it's not completely balanced and I have been eating out more often. Where I feel that I am really lacking is daily exercise. I have not given myself the time to take a 20 minute break from my work to go outside and do my jump ropes. It's in the back of my mind, but somehow day-to-day it has not been on my top priorities.

So here's my dilemma. I really want to get back into shape, and, even more so, feel more healthy and energetic. There are two directions I could go from this point.

The first path is to admit to myself that, right now, running my home businesses is important and time-consuming, and a PCP regimen is just not going to happen at this point. That doesn't by any means mean that I would give up on good health, just simply stepping back from the PCC and relieving myself of the pressure to get into peak condition at this point in my life.

The second would be to step up to the plate and give the PCP and this community all the effort I can.

I have made the decision to take the first path, to back off from the PCC for now. This will be my last post for now. I have to be honest about where my priorities lie. I will of course keep reading the blog, and cheering everyone on. I think that a few other members of this community are at this same crossroads. I hope we can all support each other, whichever path we have chosen.

Good luck to everyone! I can't wait to read your future posts.

Emiko

It's Gonna Be Flabulous!

I just had an old friend visit from out of town. Do you ever start to feel much more aware of yourself when you see someone that you haven't seen in awhile? I find that I start to become much more aware of myself, and my appearance. I think that comes from stopping and trying to figure out how I've changed since I last saw this person. Do I look better or worse? Is it noticeable? Thanks to the PCP, I know that I look better. But I still felt this big shift in my self-awareness, and to some extent, my self-criticism.

I really want to keep improving my health, my level of fitness, my energy. And I want others to see and notice that in me. But sometimes it is easy to get lost in my regular schedule, and those things may slip out of focus. When someone new comes into my life, or reenters my life, if even for a day, I snap out of it. Although I don't really want to become so self-conscious, it can be a timely reality check and help me to refocus my sense of motivation. I seem to have found more time this week to slip in 15 minutes of jumps, a workout, and even some 8-minutes abs. That makes me happy.

I had Adrian take a picture of me this morning in a new PCC pose, but the camera battery died before I could upload it. I will edit in the picture to this post once I can figure out where the heck we put the battery charger. I can't wait to get this picture pool started!

So if you can, snap a picture of yourself for your next post. Don't worry, I'm flabbier than I would like to admit, too. But that's what starting the picture pool is all about! Like Kazue (of PCPJapan) said, "I always tell people the worse your Day 1 photo is, the better. Nothing motivates more than being sick of how you look and seeing the changes happen in front of your eyes." Let's do this thang!


Until my flabulous edit-in,
Emiko

Shall We Kick It Up A Notch?

This week has gone by really fast. Mostly I have had my butt glued to my dining room chair, working on designs to build up Adrian and my portfolio. I am happy to announce that we have finally gotten our illustration business off of the ground! But, in the meantime, I haven't really given myself the time to work out. I think about it every day, but before I know it it's 2am and I just have to hit the sack. It has been a crazy couple o' weeks, but I am happy with all the hard work we put in.

So today - after realizing that it was already Friday again - I decided to catch up on the last few days' posts and check in on everybody. But what happened? We are missing two of the last three posts! I guess I'm not the only one having a crazy week.

Anyways, I have been reflecting on how difficult it is trying to keep up with the PCP now, as opposed to my original 90-day project. It feels so different to me. Adrian and I have talked about this since the PCC started, and I think part of the what really motivated me to stick closer to the diet and squeeze in my workouts every day was the weekly Flickr photo. I really wanted to look better each week, and to see my positive progression over time. Also, because during the PCP we all were assigned the same exercises, we had a concrete thing that we shared. Many of our new posts show that our Community is having trouble following the diets and maintaining a regular work-out regimen, so I thought, Maybe we should try something new?

I am not saying that we all need to start posting weekly shots on Flickr again, necessarily. But maybe we could all brainstorm together and figure out a little extra incentive to stick to our plans and reach more goals. Even if the incentive is something small, perhaps simply sharing that one thing will help us follow each other's progress. We would be able to discuss it as a community, and kick our fitness up a notch, as well as encouragement and support for each other.

Any suggestions?

Can't wait to hear 'em!
Emiko

Shifting Gears

Happy Friday, everyone!

I am feeling really good about where I am right now. This whole time, I have been lacking the motivation to integrate the PCP back into my life 100%. But this week - especially after reading
Patrick's last post - I'm shifting into a different gear. I felt like I had made a lot of the excuses Patrick mentioned, and that I truly lacked the motivation to make fitness a priority. Well, something changed. That motivation is really here now.

I knew things were falling into place a few days ago when I woke up and wanted to grab the jump rope. I bundled up in some sweats and headed downstairs and jumped rope in the brisk morning air. After awhile I was feeling really good, and determined. During one of my sets, excited by my heightened willpower, I was reminded of one of David's old posts about being your own personal drill sergeant. I felt empowered by pushing myself, even to do something so simple. I was really energized the rest of the day, because I had gotten started so early - but also, I think, by that sense of determination. I hope things will keep going this way. I am definitely going to begin jump-roping as a morning ritual.

Can't wait till jump-rope makes me this giddy!

Until next Friday rolls around, have a good week everyone!

Emiko

Am I Repeating Myself?

The diet has, once again, slipped for me this week. Not completely - my food measurements and schedule still resemble my diet plan - but I've had some bad moments. I am still feeling remnants of guilt because of the potato chips I ate earlier. I have always been an eat-my-stress-away type, so staying in line is especially difficult for me lately. Things have been stressful lately, with many long work days and other sources of mental stress. The majority of my work hours are spent out and about...away from home, and my kitchen. Like others have mentioned, preparing food is key to staying on diet when you don't have constant access to healthy food, and I just haven't lived up to that.

This is mostly due to my bad time management, but there is also a lot of mental what-have-you going on. Like Amy said in her last post, "my brain just really, really, really does not want to do this." Most of the time I get down on myself for eating junk, but some times I don't even care. That makes me question myself more. I even find myself feeling bad because I don't feel guilty. Shouldn't I feel awful for messing up? Is it this slight lack of guilt that allows me to continue deviating from the diet?

It's just one of those times that I have to put my head down, and push through without criticizing myself too much or giving myself so much room to make excuses. I will try to keep what Patrick wrote about in mind, and just do the best I can with each day.

That's what I have to work with for now. Until next time, good luck this week everyone!

Emiko

Putting Frustration in Perspective

I was listening to a zen talk from Gil Fronsdal over at Zencast a few years ago and something he said struck a chord with me.  He was talking about students' occasional frustration with a "bad session" of meditation in which they were either too scattered or too drowsy to feel like much was getting done.

Of course Gil threw out the usual lines about how dealing with these things is actually the whole point of the practice, how we're not trying to get to any special mental state but just experiencing the mental state as it is, etc...

But after that he said something to this effect.

It's not that you compare this week's poor mediation to last week's strong session.  You simply do the best you can for the state that you are in.  So if you're really drowsy, just staying awake and trying to keep your seat through heavy lidded eyes will in a sense be a "good session".  If you are agitated, not getting carried away and drowned in your excess thought will be a "good session".

Basically, you do your best every time you meditate.  But we have to understand our best is a moving target, and be satisfied when it is not where it was last week or where we think it should be after "x" years of training.  Holding up any one session against another is just more attachment, more investment in unhelpful mental patterns.

Of course this principle can be applied to how we move our bodies as well as our minds.  I often get frustrated emails from PCPers who feel that they didn't have a good workout, that they had to skip a day because of a full schedule, that had to go out to eat because there wasn't any fresh food in the house and they were starving.

If you have a less than ideal workout, all that's important is that you did your best for what your best was that day.  If you can say that with confidence then it's easy to let go of those frustrations.

This is a dangerous path however.  The mind is sneaky and will often try to convince you that you are at your limit when in fact you have a lot more in you.  It takes a strong will to really do your best, and it takes practice to know where that line is.  

If you feel like your decision is based on a rationalization, "I really don't feel like working out, I have a lot to do, and I'll work extra hard tomorrow" then you haven't done your best.

If your decision is based on an honest assessment of your situation, "This presentation is the most important thing on my plate right now, I can jump-rope during my lunch break and eat well but that's all I can possibly do today," then you have done your best and can go to sleep satisfied that night.

It's heady and hard-work being honest with yourself, but it's one of the most essential tasks you have on this earth.  Good luck!